Friday, November 23, 2012

Jamaican Mortgage "scheme" and interest rates F'kin Sucks - JNBS

In 2002 the wife and I went to look at a lot in Norbrook (St Andrew, Jamaica). She really liked it and we decided to get a loan to acquire it.  I had an account with JNBS so decided to get the mortgage through them. At the time it was the best option. The lot valued 2.5M Jamaican dollars and I borrowed $1,750,000 from JNBS at a rate of 14%.

Forgive me for being ignorant to the way banks/building societies work out their interest rates (which I'm sure most individuals are), but it always gets me when I look at my statement and TEN (10) years later I still owe $1,638,407.85, which means I've only paid off $111,592.20 on the loan.  I think the people who came up with the whole banking system and mortgages were f'kin geniuses as well as thieves.

Check it: 14% of $1,750,000 is $245,000 correct? Stores have a certain percentage mark up on goods, so when you buy anything anywhere they're making a profit of whatever percent they set for their business. Same thing goes when you see an item on sale - 10%, 12% or 20%. Whatever the tag says that's usually exactly the percentage reflected in the sale. So that's my basic understanding and expectation of how that works. Banks however, obviously do things very different.  How many people do you think actually understand what they're paying back? And the interest rates actually go up to 18% I hear, or even more.

My monthly payment since 2002 has been $22,570.52 (JMD) which I've consistently paid until maybe last year when work got slow and everything escalated price wise.  However this figure works out to $270,842.64 per year - more than 14% of the initial loan per year. And over the ten years that have passed I've paid $2,708,426.40 (JMD) (actually that's a little off because I now owe a couple months).  And remember the property was valued only $2.5M and I borrowed $1.7, so I've actually paid back more than what it valued at the time of purchase. The "Loan Maturity Date" is August 2027, so you can calculate how much money they'll be making the next fifteen years.

No one forced me to take the loan, it was somewhat free will. If you don't have the cash up front you can go to the bank and take the services they offer.  The thing is, that 14% was the best option at the time. Think about it, that whole system. I guess that's why bank managers and so forth can live the lavish lives they want and the people who save with them or take loans seem to always be "struggling" to make a payment.

I am blessed though that they haven't auctioned off the lot I'm paying for. Some people aren't that blessed. 

Just saying the Jamaican Mortgage "scheme" and interest rates F'kin Sucks!!


Have a great day


Friday, April 27, 2012

My Way

 It's quite challenging to grow and think contrary to the way you were raised. I yearn for that confidence, that belief in myself and what I want to do with my life regardless of everything and everyone that's around me. The people who make the biggest impact in this world are the ones who live a full life and stand by their own beliefs and follow their dreams no matter what society or anyone else said. When will I be that person? As I asked the question an answer came to me - "when you stop being afraid" -  Fear of being wrong, fear of hurting others, fear of ridicule, criticism... FEAR is often what stands between failure & success, confidence & doubt ...  living a fulfilled life or not living at all. 
I do hope to 'step out' of this shadow of fear because I have been here for as far back as I can remember. I wish for myself the courage to step forward with confidence, welcome all challenges with head held high because the reality is,  people will always have something to say, negative & positive so as long as I know what I'm doing why should I care?

As a musician & songwriter, nothing sums it up better than the lyrics below  - MY WAY (Frank Sinatra)


 MY WAY
And now the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend I'll say it clear
I'll state my case of which I'm certain

I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and every highway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way

Regrets I've had a few
But then again too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption

I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way

Yes there were times I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out, I faced it all
And I stood tall and did it my way

I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now as tears subside
I find it all so amusing

To think I did all that
And may I say not in a shy way
Oh no, oh no, not me
I did it my way

For what is a man what has he got
If not himself then he has not
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way

Yes it was my way

Friday, February 24, 2012

Life & Music

I posted something on my facebook page earlier today.. Been going through some personal stuff that has me really stressed emotionally and mentally. And I think I may be too much of a pussy to just deal with it head on.
But then, I justify my avoidance of what I know I must do by reminding myself that I have to constantly be in the same space with the person I have to confront or, rather just say what's really on my mind. And then, again, only I know how this person really is or can be........and I'll hear that it's only because of me why she gets like that... I will accept a small percentage of that responsibility..

Anyhow, regarding my post.... Its funny how I got a lot of "likes" for it because if people googled the post I'm sure my phone would be ringing nonstop.

After a conversation last night I made a decision to do something that has crossed my mind several times in the past and one that has been in my mind since last July that I think about every single day. All morning I've been planning and somewhat researching and I think I have it sorted out almost 70%. However, I'm here in the studio now listening to some of my unfinished work and ...wow.... The effect that music can have on you. Hearing the songs just brought a certain peace of mind and a level of comfort and contentment.. reflecting on the moments of creativity and the ability I'm blessed with to execute and bring forth/translate what's in my head into physical sound. It's just magical sometimes.
So now I'm faced with another decision - what the fuck do I do?

Putting it plainly, do I take my own life, confront my fear, run away, or stay and continue this cycle? The funny thing is I KNOW what's the right thing to do. I also know that it's not going to be an easy process. Can I live with myself knowing or feeling like I've hurt someone in a way that only I could? Or would it be best if I'm just not around for the peace of mind of that one person... Could she ever stand seeing me after? would she ever forgive me? would she ever be happy and content with her own life knowing I'm still living, enjoying life and possibly moved on to other relationships?

I'm not even sure why I'm sharing this now. I guess I'm in a position where I don't want to talk to anyone but I just need to get this out of me....and I'm still not even saying everything.
I only have 6 "followers" here so the chances of anyone reading this is also minute but at least I would have let it out of me.

So, I'm still not sure what I'm gonna do. Life's a mystery isn't it? You just never know.....

I wrote a song some years ago..maybe 2006... a line goes:

"18 years old and in love, it feels like heaven, yeah...
but one day we both grew up, and it don't feel like heaven anymore"

I often sing parts of the song in my head, I like it... planned to record it for an EP I'm thinking of releasing next year.. Lets see if that happens.

It just amazes me how some people have the strength to deal with life's challenges and some don't, no matter how simple they may seem. Anyhow, thanks for reading I will leave you with the post from my FB page.. Love, Peace & Happiness.

"The degree to which physical pain and psychological distress can be tolerated is different in all humans. Quality of life judgments are private and personal, thus only the sufferer can make relevant decisions. " - Derek Humphry


Monday, February 20, 2012

To Be Or Not To Be?

I don't know why things affect me the way they do. I don't know why it's difficult for me to have a conversation in person. Maybe it's how I was raised - I shut down when faced with confrontation, whether it be real or imaginary. 

I don't know why I'm writing in this blog tonight, but the question is: To Be, Or Not To Be?

I've been fighting with this "demon" a few years now and he's been showing his ugly face quite frequently since last July. Maybe I'm not "man enough" to deal with the challenges or obstacles that life set before us, maybe I'm too lazy or weak to take the constant 'blows' which in reality aren't even a lot to deal with when looking at it from a distance. But being in it, with my own personality I often get overwhelmed.
I'm pretty sure that if I was born and raised in the US I'd probably be on meds all my life. I feel like I have an issue with anxiety .... hmmm, I do.  And I'm always in my own head....... like, now I can relate to people who try to stay intoxicated and escape reality. Problem is, I only get drunk. And I only like being drunk when I plan to have a great time.  So what's my solution? To be or not to be?

What be it then?

God? He's probably tired of me by now. Always running, praying when I'm lost & confused. Still waiting on some help here Father! 

They say no man is an island. I beg to differ. What if one chooses to be an island, and is willing to accept whatever comes along with being that island? No one knows what lies ahead til they go along the path they choose. And what when you find the path you have chosen isn't what you thought it would be, what when you realize the path you're on is not where you want to be? You take another path right? Then what if you have brought others along the path, then what? Do you leave them in the wilderness while you seek your new path? Point them in a new direction? To Be Or Not To Be?

Be all that you can be, that's why we're here right?  But what is "all" that you can be really? What if your purpose in life is only one moment, in one day to be at a specific place at a specific time? That one moment is all that your existence was about. It may have been to save someone in a car accident, maybe say one kind word to someone who needed it, maybe to be the father/mother of a child who will become someone great. But who knows? No one knows in what moment their purpose lies, be it a split second or a day spent with a loved one or even a stranger. We don't know. But we are all expected to be here waiting on that moment, hoping it will all make sense at some point. Praying that it does make sense. Who knows if it does or ever will.

Life is the biggest mystery of them all. We didn't know when we were coming into this world, we don't know when we'll leave. We hope that between or coming and going we enjoy whatever there is to enjoy always looking for something better, hoping for something better. Trying to achieve our goals, see or dreams come true ......... the list goes on and on. But then I sometimes think, why bother? Will I ever have a platinum selling album? Will I ever tour the world with my own band? Will I ever be truly happy? Will I ever be able to look in the mirror  and be pleased and proud of the person staring me in the eyes? I don't know.. I can say "one day I will" but, will I?

It's easy "not to be" anything. I could sit here and do nothing all day. They say quitting is the easiest thing to do, but quitting life ain't easy. It takes guts to do something like that. And if you have loved ones it makes it even more challenging. So, it's not easy quitting as it isn't easy staying in the game. So what do you do? What do you do? To be or not to be?.... who has the answer? A councilor, A priest, A psychiatrist, A mentor, my father, our Father?

Ask questions and you'll get answers. Ask the Right Questions and you'll get the Right Answers.



Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Jan 2012

2012 started out on not such a great note for me and we're still not even 2 weeks in. Last year wasn't all that great either. But I must admit there were some good moments. I guess in life there has to be balance in everything - good, bad, positive, negative, hot, cold noise & silence.
There were moments which I felt like giving up. Times when everything got so overwhelming my "head" got the best of me. But there were also times when I saw how much I have to be grateful for - loved ones, achievements, and goals still yet to be reached.
What I'm saying is you may be having a bad day, week, month or year but I'm sure you can find a place in your mind, in your heart with happy thoughts, memories & experiences you've had. I have such a place.....I rarely visit it, but it exists. Some people cry when it's too much, some people drink, some people eat, I play guitars, that's my comfort, my peace. I found that out when I was in a real dark place, I plugged into my amp, and I just played for hours and I felt at peace.

What brings peace into your life, that one thing or person, silence, parties, a good book, listening to music, travel, meditation? Whatever it is find what works for you.  "It’s not how many times you fall down but how many times you get back up.


No matter how your day has started, there is always the potential for it to be a great one. And if it didn't turn out how you expected, there's always tomorrow :-)

Peace, Love & Happiness
Dubz