I don't know why things affect me the way they do. I don't know why it's difficult for me to have a conversation in person. Maybe it's how I was raised - I shut down when faced with confrontation, whether it be real or imaginary.
I don't know why I'm writing in this blog tonight, but the question is: To Be, Or Not To Be?
I've been fighting with this "demon" a few years now and he's been showing his ugly face quite frequently since last July. Maybe I'm not "man enough" to deal with the challenges or obstacles that life set before us, maybe I'm too lazy or weak to take the constant 'blows' which in reality aren't even a lot to deal with when looking at it from a distance. But being in it, with my own personality I often get overwhelmed.
I'm pretty sure that if I was born and raised in the US I'd probably be on meds all my life. I feel like I have an issue with anxiety .... hmmm, I do. And I'm always in my own head....... like, now I can relate to people who try to stay intoxicated and escape reality. Problem is, I only get drunk. And I only like being drunk when I plan to have a great time. So what's my solution? To be or not to be?
What be it then?
God? He's probably tired of me by now. Always running, praying when I'm lost & confused. Still waiting on some help here Father!
They say no man is an island. I beg to differ. What if one chooses to be an island, and is willing to accept whatever comes along with being that island? No one knows what lies ahead til they go along the path they choose. And what when you find the path you have chosen isn't what you thought it would be, what when you realize the path you're on is not where you want to be? You take another path right? Then what if you have brought others along the path, then what? Do you leave them in the wilderness while you seek your new path? Point them in a new direction? To Be Or Not To Be?
Be all that you can be, that's why we're here right? But what is "all" that you can be really? What if your purpose in life is only one moment, in one day to be at a specific place at a specific time? That one moment is all that your existence was about. It may have been to save someone in a car accident, maybe say one kind word to someone who needed it, maybe to be the father/mother of a child who will become someone great. But who knows? No one knows in what moment their purpose lies, be it a split second or a day spent with a loved one or even a stranger. We don't know. But we are all expected to be here waiting on that moment, hoping it will all make sense at some point. Praying that it does make sense. Who knows if it does or ever will.
Life is the biggest mystery of them all. We didn't know when we were coming into this world, we don't know when we'll leave. We hope that between or coming and going we enjoy whatever there is to enjoy always looking for something better, hoping for something better. Trying to achieve our goals, see or dreams come true ......... the list goes on and on. But then I sometimes think, why bother? Will I ever have a platinum selling album? Will I ever tour the world with my own band? Will I ever be truly happy? Will I ever be able to look in the mirror and be pleased and proud of the person staring me in the eyes? I don't know.. I can say "one day I will" but, will I?
It's easy "not to be" anything. I could sit here and do nothing all day. They say quitting is the easiest thing to do, but quitting life ain't easy. It takes guts to do something like that. And if you have loved ones it makes it even more challenging. So, it's not easy quitting as it isn't easy staying in the game. So what do you do? What do you do? To be or not to be?.... who has the answer? A councilor, A priest, A psychiatrist, A mentor, my father, our Father?
Ask questions and you'll get answers. Ask the Right Questions and you'll get the Right Answers.
I don't know why I'm writing in this blog tonight, but the question is: To Be, Or Not To Be?
I've been fighting with this "demon" a few years now and he's been showing his ugly face quite frequently since last July. Maybe I'm not "man enough" to deal with the challenges or obstacles that life set before us, maybe I'm too lazy or weak to take the constant 'blows' which in reality aren't even a lot to deal with when looking at it from a distance. But being in it, with my own personality I often get overwhelmed.
I'm pretty sure that if I was born and raised in the US I'd probably be on meds all my life. I feel like I have an issue with anxiety .... hmmm, I do. And I'm always in my own head....... like, now I can relate to people who try to stay intoxicated and escape reality. Problem is, I only get drunk. And I only like being drunk when I plan to have a great time. So what's my solution? To be or not to be?
What be it then?
God? He's probably tired of me by now. Always running, praying when I'm lost & confused. Still waiting on some help here Father!
They say no man is an island. I beg to differ. What if one chooses to be an island, and is willing to accept whatever comes along with being that island? No one knows what lies ahead til they go along the path they choose. And what when you find the path you have chosen isn't what you thought it would be, what when you realize the path you're on is not where you want to be? You take another path right? Then what if you have brought others along the path, then what? Do you leave them in the wilderness while you seek your new path? Point them in a new direction? To Be Or Not To Be?
Be all that you can be, that's why we're here right? But what is "all" that you can be really? What if your purpose in life is only one moment, in one day to be at a specific place at a specific time? That one moment is all that your existence was about. It may have been to save someone in a car accident, maybe say one kind word to someone who needed it, maybe to be the father/mother of a child who will become someone great. But who knows? No one knows in what moment their purpose lies, be it a split second or a day spent with a loved one or even a stranger. We don't know. But we are all expected to be here waiting on that moment, hoping it will all make sense at some point. Praying that it does make sense. Who knows if it does or ever will.
Life is the biggest mystery of them all. We didn't know when we were coming into this world, we don't know when we'll leave. We hope that between or coming and going we enjoy whatever there is to enjoy always looking for something better, hoping for something better. Trying to achieve our goals, see or dreams come true ......... the list goes on and on. But then I sometimes think, why bother? Will I ever have a platinum selling album? Will I ever tour the world with my own band? Will I ever be truly happy? Will I ever be able to look in the mirror and be pleased and proud of the person staring me in the eyes? I don't know.. I can say "one day I will" but, will I?
It's easy "not to be" anything. I could sit here and do nothing all day. They say quitting is the easiest thing to do, but quitting life ain't easy. It takes guts to do something like that. And if you have loved ones it makes it even more challenging. So, it's not easy quitting as it isn't easy staying in the game. So what do you do? What do you do? To be or not to be?.... who has the answer? A councilor, A priest, A psychiatrist, A mentor, my father, our Father?
Ask questions and you'll get answers. Ask the Right Questions and you'll get the Right Answers.
No comments:
Post a Comment